Alpha Maiden’s Mission is to empower women to become physically strong, mentally tough and to develop the skills and tactics to stay safe.
Alpha Maiden is here to build a community of strong women. We can create strength within ourselves and we can
be strong together.
We are the Alpha Maiden.
Hi, I’m Jordan
When I was a young teen I was on the track and cross country team and I’d run on my treadmill at home after school as well. I also became
obsessed with monitoring my calorie intake. I dropped from 1,500 kcal per day to 1,000 kcal then 700 kcal and eventually 500 kcal, etc. I remember looking in the mirror to make sure my collar bones and spine were visible. I would stand with my ankles together looking at the gap between my thighs and always be disappointed that it wasn’t bigger. I was obsessed with exercise and counting food intake (or the lack of it). I constantly struggled with my body image while being in strict denial that I had any sort of psychological problem. I had anorexia.
When I got to high school I joined the ROTC. My coach on the team noticed my problem. After a few training events he told me to record a food journal for a week. Once he saw my food journal he said,
“With how little you’re eating and how much we’re exercising on this team,
it could kill you. If you don’t start eating I am going to kick you off the team.”
To this day I believe my coach saved my life. He noticed and addressed the problem tactfully, talked to me about it, and I ultimately started eating again.
Fast forward to a couple years later. A relationship I was in became mentally and physically abusive. As a result I became anti-social and quit all the teams I was on. I became reclusive and didn’t talk to any of my friends. I even transferred schools. I was filled with confusion, fear and anger. Although I didn’t understand it or have the vocabulary to identify it at the time, I was experiencing victimization, abuse, and traumatic events that I didn’t know how to talk about or deal with. There were points in my relationship that I would beg my boyfriend to hit me because surely the immediate physical pain would help me forget the emotional despair that I was trapped in, right? (No…)
While in that relationship and as a result of becoming anti-social and quitting all my teams, I began to gain a lot of weight. I developed compulsive eating issues, and jumped into a starvation/binge cycle. I was always on a “diet.” I knew I had been skinny before, so surely I could do it again. I would go on crash diets. Then being unable to maintain them for long, I would end up eating a whole box of chocolates. Self loathing would ensue for failing to have self-control. I’d be disgusted with myself for not being thin. My boyfriend only contributed to my negative body image issues and mental despair with more and more verbal and physical abuse.
Even after getting out of that situation, the ramifications were significant. Even thinking about that relationship more than seven years later would trigger “seemingly” random panic attacks and bouts of hyperventilation. I would mentally shut down while re-living those moments. I subconsciously carried a “victim’s mindset” and I became afraid to walk to my car alone at night. I would tense-up if someone walked toward me on the sidewalk or approached me in public. I’d keep my eyes low and head down. Looking like an easy target, I began getting cat-called and harassed on a daily basis and even had to run from attempts at being physically assaulted.
After many years I had drastically improved my self-image and body-confidence. I recognized that health isn’t just a physical activity but also a mental one. Although I had learned balanced eating habits and trained regularly, there was obviously work that still needed to be done. I wanted to feel confident in my physical capabilities, my mental toughness and especially in my day to day life. I wanted to feel safe.
So I started asking myself how.
I began researching, reading and educating myself on self-defense. I realized it went far beyond the physical. That it starts with having the right mindset of refusing to be a target. That developing an understanding of body language and how we hold ourselves is crucial. That there are strategies to learning verbal deescalation, and skills to counter attack and escape if necessary.
But most of all, whether we want to achieve body confidence, mental toughness or feel strong or safe, that it starts with us.
It starts with us changing our mindset to gain the tools necessary to become the best we can be.
And that is what led to the creation of Alpha Maiden. More than ten years of experience navigating through trial and error and what it truly means to be confident, strong, self-assured, mentally tough and empowered.
My mission is to help others who are or have been in my shoes.
I also want to help prevent others from ever putting on those shoes at all.
My mission is to build a community of strong women who refuse to be a target
and are ready to stand in their power.