​There are so many quotes out there that talk about body positivity, self love, confidence, etc.

I saw one today that said,

“Stop trying so hard.”

I get the message. Stop trying so hard to be perfect. Stop trying so hard to meet others unrealistic expectations. The message can be useful to those who always feel like they’re trying to live a perfect life and appear like everything is perfect too. This can lead to a cycle of pretending, comparing your bad times to others Instagram highlight reels. And that can lead to feelings of inadequacy. 

Learning confidence and self acceptance is huge. Learning to hold value in yourself without the need to “prove yourself to anyone,” is also huge. But in our society today we’re all about that mentality of “everyone gets a trophy for existing” because we’re so worried about shattering peoples self esteem. 

Self confidence is important. Valuing ourselves is important. But it’s also something that comes from within, not how many participation trophies you got when you were 5. 

In our society we have so many destructive coping behaviors like drugs, opiate addiction, alcohol, food and even relationships that we know aren’t good for us. They make use feel terrible, but we get addicted and don’t know how to deal with life any other way. We become addicted to external validation when we haven’t built our confidence from within first. 

If we follow the advice above, “Stop trying so hard,” it’s not actually going to get us anywhere. It’s going to lead straight to the “giving no fucks” mentality, which might seem to help at first but in the long run leads to lack of passion, perpetual apathy and laziness.

Instead of following the “stop trying so hard,” quote, we need to look inward and assess WHERE we’re putting all our energy, then re-direct it if needed.

Maybe you’re trying too hard to get as many likes as possible on social media, so all your pics are half naked and suggestive. The attention makes you feel better about yourself because you place your self-worth in getting validation from strangers. It might make you feel better, but only temporarily, until the need to post another pic emerges.

Or maybe you’re trying too hard in a relationship where the other person treats you like shit and you think that maybe if you keep trying and putting everything you’ve got in it plus some, that maybe he’ll finally  appreciate and start giving back (trust me, I’ve been there before and he won’t).

Instead of “stop trying so hard,” think about refocusing your energy. Ask yourself where you’re expending energy and identify if it’s constructive or destructive. Then, redirect it if it’s bad for you.

Here are ways you can redirect your efforts:

  • Start by prioritizing yourself and giving your own health 100%.
  • Start that fitness journey you’ve been thinking about for so long
  • Start by looking at all your positive relationships and investing more time into them
  • Pursue that dream that’s been nagging at your soul

Redirect it. Find purpose. And try hard with that instead.

Source: New feed