Jacquelyn D.
I am a mother to a spunky almost 5 year old boy. I’m newly engaged and am gaining a bonus 4 year old daughter.
I just graduated law school and am studying to take the bar exam so I can practice.
I work part time as a teller and a health coach.
I am also a survivor.
Statistically, I’m one of the lucky ones.
This was the deal that I accepted–
In the beginning, for several months or so, he was pretending to be everything I ever wanted. Showered me with attention, affection, gifts, and all the stuff to make me feel special.
Then, once he knew I was committed, he quit pretending and slowly showed who he really was.
It started with insensitive words and name calling. Then jealousy. Lies. Isolation from my friends and family. Humiliation in public. Cruel words followed immediately with compliments and insincere apologies.
And then I was choked.
A knife threatened my skin.
I was pushed down the stairs.
Bruised. Bloody-nosed with permanent damage.
Different incidents. Same vicious cycle.
I guess I “started all of it.” Or it “never happened.” “It was an accident.” “I don’t remember.” Or I’m “crazy.” Or I’m “mental” and I “needed help.” “Nobody else would ever love me or put up with me.”
I spent countless hours trying to figure out what happened. At first trying to restore the relationship to what it was before, not realizing that could never happen. “God hates divorce.” That’s why I should have stayed.
I said fuck it. I had already spent several years in hell in exchange for a few months of fantasy.
And it was killing me.
A months before I left I was hospitalized for the most intense headaches. They called them tension headaches. I called it poison from a toxic relationship seeping into my body and destroying me physically. My mental health was already severely diminished from this abuse.
I still do not know where the courage came from to leave that day.
I just remember knowing that was the last time I would be called a ‘stupid piece of shit’.
The last time my son would be caught in the crossfires of a vicious argument.
No more living in fear.
And the will to survive resides within my soul.
And now I have my voice back which I will use to continue to speak out against abusers. I FEEL NO SHAME.
Ultimately, this is what sets me free.
I’m not broken anymore. I’m stronger. God took my brokenness and made me new again.
I became a health and fitness coach 6 months ago and it has become one of my biggest passions in life. My entire goal is to help women remember their self worth and teach them how to love themselves again. To push them towards a stronger way of living because we are all stronger than we think.
I found love for myself through working out and understanding a healthy relationship with food. Now I want to bless lives the same.
The workout opportunities I offer can all be done at home or wherever there is WiFi and there is everything from HIIT programs, low intensity workouts, Pilates/yoga, MMA style and weight lifting. The accountability and support that comes with the team is the most priceless. It’s saved me time, money, and a peace of mind being able to workout at home and still get results and that’s all I want for others now too.
It is an absolute honor to be an Alpha Maiden. I was made to feel weak for a good portion of my life. Through shifting my mindset, I am no longer a victim of my circumstances, but a survivor.
Being an Alpha Maiden to me means
turning pain into purpose.
Fitness and personal development helped me achieve that.
-Jacquelyn
Source: New feed
